Top 5 Celebrity Death-Match-Ups, Literary Edition
i recently saw a performance of Macbeth and it occurred to me that, had Macduff really been borne of a woman, Macbeth would have beat the tar out of him. This led me to wonder what may happen if other famous literary characters were to duke it out in a cage fight to the death.
BATTLE OF THE SENIOR DISCOUNT:
Moby Dick's Captain Ahab vs. Ebenezer Scrooge
Winner- Ahab, all the way. Scrooge may be mean, but the Cap'n is downright gnarly.
BATTLE OF THE FAMILY ISSUES:
Grapes of Wrath's Tom Joad vs. Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
Winner- After a good match, Tom Joad prevails. Hamlet eventually succumbs to emotional angst and can't focus on the fight at hand.
BATTLE OF THE MOOD SWING:
Stephen King's Carrie White vs. Lady Macbeth
Winner: Just take a minute to consider how awesome a spectacle this would be. Carrie may be telekinetic, but Lady M can call on the powers of Darkness, plus she's NUTS. After a long, fierce battle, Lady Macbeth has the most blood on her hands.
BATTLE FOR SPRING BREAK:
Catcher in the Rye's Holden Caufield vs. Huckleberry Finn
Winner: Holden is aces and has issues with violence. Huck's just a good ol' boy. i'm sure his body would surface down river eventually.
BATTLE OF THE BEST DRESSED:
Scarlett O'Hara vs. Blanche DuBois, from A Streetcar Named Desire
Winner: My money's on Scarlett. You don't mess with the Irish, even when they're wearing corsets.
BATTLE OF THE SENIOR DISCOUNT:
Moby Dick's Captain Ahab vs. Ebenezer Scrooge
Winner- Ahab, all the way. Scrooge may be mean, but the Cap'n is downright gnarly.
BATTLE OF THE FAMILY ISSUES:
Grapes of Wrath's Tom Joad vs. Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
Winner- After a good match, Tom Joad prevails. Hamlet eventually succumbs to emotional angst and can't focus on the fight at hand.
BATTLE OF THE MOOD SWING:
Stephen King's Carrie White vs. Lady Macbeth
Winner: Just take a minute to consider how awesome a spectacle this would be. Carrie may be telekinetic, but Lady M can call on the powers of Darkness, plus she's NUTS. After a long, fierce battle, Lady Macbeth has the most blood on her hands.
BATTLE FOR SPRING BREAK:
Catcher in the Rye's Holden Caufield vs. Huckleberry Finn
Winner: Holden is aces and has issues with violence. Huck's just a good ol' boy. i'm sure his body would surface down river eventually.
BATTLE OF THE BEST DRESSED:
Scarlett O'Hara vs. Blanche DuBois, from A Streetcar Named Desire
Winner: My money's on Scarlett. You don't mess with the Irish, even when they're wearing corsets.
posted by Kallie at 10:11 AM
4 Comments:
while hamlet maybe a little too emo, keep in mind that he does know how to use a SWORD. i predict he'd stab the okie in the heart within two seconds of the fight.
Holden Caufield isn't going to let any "typical bastard" take him down. Word.
cathy ames from East of Eden vs. any other wicked woman of lit = cathy kicks ass with satan on her side.
ps. BEST. TOP 5. EVER.
Battle of Drunken Madmen...
Hank Chinaski (charles bukowski's alter ego) v. Dr. Gonzo (Hunter S. Thompson's alter ego)
winner: i'm taking chinaski, he's been in more real fights. plus he drinks whiskey. Although to his credit, Gonzo would be so hopped up on a multitude of different substances, it would take an army to bring him down.
final outcome: destruction of our society as we now know it. plus a two really kickass memoirs.
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